Do you suck at small talk? Is everything you say is plain dribble? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why the hell did I just say that?”.
We’ve all been there.
Small talk is tough, but throwing yourself into an office full of divorced 40-year-olds is nearly impossible.
Nevertheless, to converse with ease and build rapport at will is a superpower we all wish we had.
The good news is you don’t have to be bitten by a radioactive spider to attain it.
Conversation, specifically small talk, is a skill to be learned, a muscle to strengthen. All it takes is repetition.
With that in mind, here are three strategies for more interesting, less awkward small talk that you can begin practicing next time you’re in the office.
Peel The Onion
To peel the onion is to ask ‘why’ questions that get people talking about what they value.
Let’s say you meet someone at a conference; let’s call him Mark. You’re chatting along and ask him where he’s from. Standard small talk procedure, right?
He says he’s from Sydney and you follow up with something like, “Is it nice there?”
How often do people ask close-ended shit like this?
Uh, yeah, he probably thinks it’s pretty nice there…
What we don’t know is why he’s chosen Sydney. Was it the weather? The lifestyle? Was he settling down to start a family?
Simply reframing the question to ask ‘why’ is immediately more interesting for Mark to answer and invites him to elaborate in a way that he otherwise wouldn’t have.
Fun Questions
When we’re conversing, it often feels like there’s a set of constraints dictating what we can or cannot talk about, especially at work. It’s half the reason you’re incessantly questioned about your weekend, work projects, and what you’ve got for lunch.
Interesting conversation starts by removing the constraint of having to be realistic. These shackles don’t exist and do not need to be abided by. You aren’t obliged to ask the receptionist about her Weight Watchers meal.
Remember, fun questions equal fun conversations.
Let’s pretend you learn that Mark loves cycling. Ask him about it! And make your questions interesting, as silly as it may feel. For example:
- “Mark, if you could cycle anywhere in the world, where would it be?”
- “If a novice like myself wanted to get into cycling, where would you recommend I start?”
- “Mark, what are the three things you love most about cycling?”
Yes, you couldn’t care less about cycling, but Mark does, and if it makes for a better conversation, then what are you whinging about?
Mirroring
Mirroring is often taught as a technique whereby you repeat the last or a select three words back to your coworker. And while that is correct, we can mirror much more than a few phrases. Think tone, body language, and gestures.
So why is it effective?
We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar. When we mirror correctly, we insinuate similarity, which facilitates bonding. So you can use mirrors strategically to keep people talking, encourage others to empathize with you, and build rapport.
You’ll be surprised how effective they are.