Passive-aggressive coworkers are some of the worst to deal with, and if you haven’t yet had the pleasure of working with one, you most definitely will.
But what makes this breed of colleague so infuriating? Is it the overly positive facade they throw on? Or their deliberate inefficiency and endless sarcasm?
Well, both. But moreso, it’s hard to identify, difficult to prove, and despite how it usually seems, may even be unintentional.
And the reality still stands: you’ve got to endure these people for 40 hours a week, so it’s in your best interest to learn how to work with them and stay sane throughout.
Seek to Understand
Upon first reading, this seems like completely useless advice that does nothing more than magnify your already mounting frustration. But…it’s true.
Why?
Well, let’s think about what passive aggression is.
Passive aggression is a set of emotions that can’t be shared constructively and typically arises when there is no direct acceptable avenue for someone to exercise their true feelings. Real emotion is hidden behind childish behavior, making it hard to intuit what the core of the issue is.
In other words, it’s frustratingly indirect.
In even more laymen’s terms, most people aren’t dickheads just because. There is, more often than not, a reason why they’re behaving the way they are, and if you misunderstand it, then you run the risk of reacting in a way that fuels more of it.
So, take the time to figure out what’s behind their behavior.
Don’t Take the Bait
It’s hard, but don’t react. This is what they want. A reaction gives them something to undermine. It’s another chance to hide real emotion behind childish behavior.
This is when you’ll start to hear stuff like “I don’t have a problem with you, I was just joking”.
Remember, calm humility paves the path to conflict resolution.
So, try to model the behavior you want to see in them. If you’re impenetrable to their remarks, they can only lob their passive-aggressive grenades for so long.
Communicate Assertively
Let’s pretend you’ve followed everything above but the behavior persists or even worsens.
What now?
It’s time for the talk…
It’s probably going to be awkward, and that’s ok. Five minutes of discomfort is better than forty hours of passive aggression.
If there’s one thing to remember, it’s this: communicate assertively, not aggressively.
Assertive communication is the antithesis of passive aggression. It’s direct, so it’s a great way to counter the vagueness that we so often face.
If you start to second-guess yourself or think that a chat isn’t worth having, remember, it’s your right to inform people how you want to be treated at work.
So what does assertive communication look like?
- Factual and evidence-based based
- Free of hyperbole and emotion
Pro tip: follow the ‘situation, behavior, impact’ framework to help structure your discussion.
Situation – passing each other in the office kitchen.
Behavior – eye rolling and undermining jokes.
Impact – how this impacted you.
Yes, it might feel awkward, but if it means you’re free from ongoing BS, then what do you have to complain about?